40 Days Until I Walk Into the Desert.....Again

     At my age, I guess it is common to look back and ask yourself what you would change about your life. It seems to be a frequent Facebook question and discussion topic among friends. From a traditional viewpoint, my life hasn't been very successful. I married too young. I dropped out of college repeatedly. I got good jobs and left them, built businesses and let them go easier than an old pair of jeans to Goodwill. My marriage didn't last. I often spent more money than I really had. But what would I change?
     Offhand, my answer is not much. Other than not really loving and valuing myself until late in the game, I would say that everything worked out. The trials and hardships I endured made me strong and independent. I survived all sorts of crazy illness and accidents. I learned to value what I had and be astonished by what I could create with my own body and spirit, even when they were broken. I traveled the world. I had an awesome kid that somehow survived his vaguely feral childhood to become a sweet and charming man. I have a fabulous relationship with my parents and much of the rest of my family. I have incredible friends who have introduced me to wonderful things in the world. Many of these friends have stuck with me through thick and thin for decades. I am part of a rich and varied community. Diverse in age, origin, political and religious persuasion, ability, and spirit, my beautiful friends have sustained me. I have tried and done things most people never have a shot at.
     In the past twenty years, I have gone on regular walkabouts in an effort to discern my larger issues and feelings and to figure out what to do next. It is how I found the farm, Quakers, judo, stained glass painting, and many of the other things that enriched my life. Things that I wouldn't put down voluntarily. Things I love. Things that define who I am as a person.
     Some of you have followed my developing eye disease. In less than a year, reading has become increasingly difficult, as has understanding what I am actually seeing. When that happens, I feel anxious and uncomfortable.  I have had a very difficult time executing techniques in my art that were once a snap. I can no longer clearly see cracks and breaks or dates and names on antiques. I am having a harder time seeing defects in the eggs I sell when I candle them. Without my glasses, I receive almost no useful visual information.
     I also underwent a full knee replacement at the end of May. It is likely that the other knee will need to be replaced in the next year or three.
     In short, I am being forced to lay down many of the things I love. I have some time yet to enjoy some of them, but I need to figure out what comes next. Figure out some kind of strategy and interests that can be accommodated in my changing body. Figure out how to stay independent and vital. This is a discussion we are all going to have with our bodies. I just didn't expect to have it so soon. All of my grandparents but one, lived independently and drove until their very late 80's and early 90's. I always envisioned myself in the same way. I don't have that luxury. My life is going to change.
     So, on August 31, I'm going to embark on what is likely to be the last of my great solo explorations. My goal is to visit family and friends, with the understanding that some of these are likely to be final visits, to see beautiful things that I can press into my memory, and to get back to the fertile raw desert that has helped me figure out things before.

  The itinerary is as follows:

• Sept 1: Aurora Illinois. The big question here is whether I cheat on my celiac diet in favor of a Chicago Pizza....
• Sept 2: Into Minneapolis to see my son and his girl friend. We are attending the Minnesota State Fair, the second largest in the nation!
• Sept 5: Leawood Kansas to see this: https://qz.com/933416/artists-are-using-a-revolutionary-process-to-construct-the-worlds-largest-stained-glass-window/
• Sept 7: Boulder Co.
• Sept 9: Salt Lake City, Ut
• Sept 12: Camping in Idaho
• Sept 15: Tacoma, Wa.
• Sept 18: Olympia, Wa.
• Sept 19: Redding, Ca.
• Sept 23: Zion National Park, eventually ending up down in Joshua Tree

    From there, I am off the grid, planning to return home by mid October, before too much snow flies. I am already packing and working on my meditations. I hope to see many of you in the coming weeks before I take off!