When You Get There, Will You Know?

"When you get there, will you know?"- Robert Plant "Come Into My Life"

This apropos song came up I as walked today. 

So what does success look like in this journey? I don't know. The losses are all still there. Walking or not walking won't change them. I already know that I'll meet or beat whatever standards I'll set for myself. If someone asked for two traits I value in myself, I would assuredly pick loyalty and endurance. Still, despite the fact that work is piling up at home, it feels good to be out and about.

Today, it was easier to be detached from the world. I checked my notebook and phone rarely. I certainly noticed my body more. Despite carrying a gallon of liquid out with me, the heat and wind forced a constant battle with dehydration. There was maybe a mile of my journey to day that had any significant amount of shade. There were no services of any kind again. When I finally ran out of fluid altogether, I sat down at the edge of the road and called for an extraction. No heroics, no agonizing over being a few miles short of the goal I had hoped for. I'm moving more slowly than I'd like, but much faster than I could have imagined given my complete lack of training for this particular walk. I'm even secretly pleased that my pale,out of shape winter body has responded as well as it has. The miles come hard. At times I am keenly aware of the blisters and aches and wonder if I am just punishing myself. At other times, the walk does what it was designed to do, be the vehicle of meditation. And of course, a get away vehicle. It's hard to be profoundly sad when all along your journey, tadpoles are flashing through the puddles and marsh just inches from your feet, birds are circling overhead, and the relentless sun has found the two places on my arms and the one place on my neck that I did not adequately cover with sun screen. I saw baby vultures. All manner of flowers and plants are emerging. The soft earth along the roadside is covered with footprints and scat. New life. Am I running from life out here or joining it? When I get there, will I know?